Straight out of the most secretive, dark corners of the liberal black ops division, Siegfried is a trained killer... When Eugene is forced to take him in, all it takes is the right trigger word to set off Siegfried's killer instinct for eye gouges, groin strikes, and late-night face smotherings...


The Flamingo

Conspiratory theorists unite! Deep State, Illuminati, Masons, New World Order. Call it what you will, they exist. A group of shadowy figures, titans of global industry, they are the true puppet masters of world affairs, influencing every economic and government decision. No one cheats their way into world level power without their approval or help.



"You know what cuts through the international red tape? A titanium blade forged in the cold, lifeless depths of Saskatchewan Tundra. My legion of the Moose is Canada’s innermost secret sect of high-tech female assassins. Trudeau even has plausible deniability! You notice, who’s enemies with Canada? That’s right, no one. And yes, we take AMEX."



"I'm L33T bitches. I’m TBD... huh... that's "The Big Deal." That was my tag back in my guild, which huh yeah, I was the leader of, obviously. Eugene let me keep the name when huh, he RECRUITED me! Boom! Didn’t see that one comin', did ya?! I’m fast, and I'm focused. My APM is 106. HUH?! Newb...that's actions per minute. With this new supercomputer at my disposal and a steady stream of coffee and donuts, I can run Evil Inc. communications AND raid at the same time. You can't catch me off guard; I never leave this desk. It's even built to accommodate necessary bio breaks."



(British Accent) "Are... are you seeing all this?! Come on, come on, get the camera rolling! Good! *clears throat* I'm Celeste Rogers with the Global News Network reporting from London. Top story today, we all know it, but won't say it; our world is FU-! *touches ear* What? Not so bleak... right. Okay, reset! Interesting times ahead planet earth and I intend on covering all of it! You deserve the facts, and you need to hear the story. I don't care if they're reclusive, a serial killer, a crazy hermit, a world leader or warlord, I'll get the interview. Cheers!"



"Did you know a small donation could save your long lost Nigerian cousin? Or what about this giant amount of money I need to wire to your bank account?! Idiots are out there! Bwahahahahaha! In Nigeria, machetes do the talking, so you betta' be careful! Poor souls go gone every day! Bwahahahahaha!"



"GREETINGS, citizen! Ever wanted to be a spy and help save the world?! Well, now you can! Join Evil Inc.'s new SUIT program! The "Suit" or, synthetic, utilitarian, identity, tuxedo, is bulletproof, liquid-resistant (even against acid, we tried), woven and tailored with a synthetic nanofiber to each individual perfectly for maximum comfort and maneuverability. You can even pick your own cool code name, but hurry, the best ones get snatched up early, and no duplicates, symbols or numbers! It can be yours after a quick yet thorough vetting process and comes with a fantastic severance package."



"You know what's soooo great about a bolt action rifle? First of all, the ACTION! Lock, load, twist, and puush! Then all you gotta do is finger that sensitive little trigger and BAM! Exxploosion. Oh, and you know what 'a little light in the loafers' means? It means I can jump from rooftop to rooftop with nooooo problem! Ohh. and I don't leave my San Fran penthouse for less than 10 million. Kill Eugene White? Hmmm, interesting. Make it 30 million, throw in a daiquiri card for Smuggler's Cove, and you've got a deal."